Parenting is hard. Really, really hard. I don't want to say that foster parenting is hard
er (mostly because I wouldn't know first hand), but I will say that it's
really hard to parent a little one by enforcing
other people's rules (and making it look like you made them up yourself.)
This was made clear to us last night when these 4 little words were spoken over the PA system...
"Kids, get down here!"
We looked around for a minute, trying to assess the situation. We waited for more information, waited to see what other parents were doing, and waited to see what the message meant. Apparently the announcer wasn't pleased with the lack of kids going onto the field, so he clarified his request, "All elementary-aged kids, please come down to the field and join a game!"
Ok, so we knew he meant little kids and we knew he wanted them on the field. Brian and I looked at each other a few times, trying to read each others' minds, all while our Little Lady was pulling on our shirts yelling, "Let's go! Let's go! They're calling me to come down!"
Please forgive us for being the overbearing, overprotective, untrustworthy, extra-cautious, obnoxiously involved, and attentive parents the state of Texas expects us to be, but unfortunately, we couldn't send our little one running down the bleachers, through the crowd of teenagers, onto the field with hundreds of other kids her size and height who were also wearing pink shirts and sneakers. And I'm sure there was at least one sex offender out there in the crowd, just based on statistics. We weren't going to take our chances and send her on her way.
I think it's safe to say that most adults and parents just want to fit in, just like kids. We don't want to do something too out of the ordinary to attract unnecessary attention (which often leads to judgemental stares and criticism.) In spite of this, we decided we'd have to accompany her onto the field and be the
only parents joining in on the games.
I'm sure it
looked like we were the overbearing "helicopter" parents who refuse to leave their child's side for 5 seconds.
Similarly, when we're riding around the neighborhood with LL and our "bike gang," I'm sure it
looks like we want to relive our childhood again or that we don't trust LL to ride her bike on her own.
The hardest thing about all of this is that in most cases, we'll never get the chance to explain ourselves. We're not really allowed to say things like, "Yeah, sorry, but I can't just send my child onto the field in a swarm of 200 middle and high schoolers cause she's a FOSTER KID and our case worker wouldn't approve."
When you're a foster parent, you have to come to terms with the fact that people
will judge you and they
will criticize you. They will whisper about you, point at you, furrow their eyebrows. If you can't handle this kind of criticism, and brush it off, you might not want to get into fostering. But, if you can enforce these rules, and make it look like you made them up, you might be able to handle the criticism.
LL's quotes:
- "Guess what? If you drink sweet tea and throw it up, it'll be black and pieces on the floor will be green."
- (Looking at the ice cream choices at Walmart) "I've gotta get my hands on this stuff!"
- "Pony up! SMU, SMU, SMU!"
- "That girl is cra cra."
- "My teacher gave me a ticket to Hawaii. Oh wait - it was actually Hawaiian Falls."
- "What happens if I go home in the summer?"
- "Your heart can go to different places. Like to your arm."
- "I wish my veins were pink."
Someday, these notes will most likely be my lifeline and the only thing connecting us to LL. I will read each one over and over and over again to attempt to pick up any part of my sweet girl that I missed the first time. I miss her already and she's only 20 feet away.
Sweetest thing I've ever seen! Makes me love this man even more!
This is the most difficult decision she had to make all day.
Sharing a Zebra Cake before we get in the car.
Preparing for tomorrow!
Getting jars ready to make homemade jam this weekend.
After dinner, he crashed at the table so, naturally, she had to climb on top!
*******************************************************************************************************************************************
About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
Key Posts:
