10/12/14

Peace

The last load of laundry was washed, folded, and packed.

Her bike was wiped down, tires inflated.

Notes were written and hidden in every box, suitcase, and book so our Little Lady could read through them as she unpacked her things in her new room.

Before taping the last box shut, I walked around the house a few more times to find some last minute gifts - my final attempt at forging memories and silently begging that she'll never forget us and our time together.

I grabbed the flowers we pressed on our last morning together. The "tickets" she'd made to invite us to her dance recital in the living room. The dolphin bracelet Bry bought her when we went to Sea World. Lucy's old leash. A Bahama Bucks umbrella. Maybe this, maybe these, maybe this one, remember this...maybe, just maybe, these things will bring her back to us, in her mind. And in that moment, we'll be together.

After the final walk through on Saturday morning, we loaded up the car, dropped the dog off at daycare, and began the trek towards a little town where a little girl who owns half of our hearts lives.

It rained most of the way there. We stayed fairly quiet. There was traffic. And closed highways. And more traffic. And more rain

It felt as though we'd never make it to her. 

And even as it was happening, even as we were driving and Siri was giving me directions to "LL's House," I still had a hard time believing that we were actually on our way to her new home. 

This is what we had prayed for. This is what we had dreamed about. This was the good amidst all of the chaos. 

This was Jesus. There is no other explanation. 

We exited off of the highway and entered the gravel, country road, and I couldn't help but hear her in my mind...I swear I could almost hear her giggling; she'd go on and on about how much she loves it out here. She'd gasp, amazed at the horses on the side of the road. 

As we approached her street, the butterflies in my stomach were completely overwhelming and almost debilitating. It was hard to grip the steering wheel or see house numbers very clearly. 

What happened next will be written in my mind and on my heart for the rest of my life. 

As soon as we turned the corner and entered her driveway, we saw a bubbly, freckle-faced, squealing, clapping, 7-year-old little girl sprinting in the grass, at least 200 yards, in our direction. She took our breath away and it was all I could do not to jump out of the moving car, wrap her in my arms, and squeeze her until it hurt. 

I fought the urge to do so, parked the car, and then Bry and I each hugged her about 27 times. We met her (amazing, incredible) grandparents, toured the house, and then began the monumental task of unpacking LL's things in her bedroom. 

While we were eating sandwiches for lunch, Bry and I started to wonder if we were overstaying our welcome, and we expected to begin saying goodbye and heading back to Dallas. Just at that very moment, the Lord threw in another undeserved blessing and LL's grandma asked if they could take us out to dinner. 

Dinner??? We had just expected that we'd unpack some of her boxes, eat a little lunch, and then head back home. Heck yes, we'll stay for dinner!! 

Before dinner, we spent time with LL's aunt and cousins, we jumped on the trampoline, and we watched part of a movie together. It felt so normal and so right, for a moment. 

But when she needed help adjusting her dress, she called for her grandma. When she needed someone to fix her hair, or someone to hug, or someone to help her remember a name, she asked grandma. These little questions reminded me that although I would've been on the other side of her questions and her hugs just a few days ago, there's someone else now. Yet again, she has to discover how and where to place us in her life, and she must adjust to her third set of parents in 6 months. I can't imagine what's going through her mind. 

LL decided she wanted to go to Olive Garden for dinner. While we were waiting outside, she stood in the middle of the circle and counted 10 people. She said, "Wow! I have 10 people in my family here. There are a lot of us!"

And right then, a peace washed over me and I knew she was exactly where she is supposed to be. It may not be where she wants to be (with her mom), or where we hoped she'd be (with us), but this is where she should be right now

She's surrounded by trees, and horses, and love bugs. Surrounded on all sides by her family. Surrounded by tons of people who love Jesus. Surrounded by cousins who were also adopted from Foster care. Cause their hearts are that big. After seeing what grandma had done, LL's aunt adopted four children from the system. She's surrounded by love.  

Our country girl finally made it home. 

Right where she belongs. 

Packed up and ready to go.

The unpacking part is hard.

Avoiding unpacking and selfie breaks are easy.

Where'd you go?



It still felt surreal that we were back together again.

It's coming along.

After unpacking most of her boxes, LL asked Bry and I to lay down on the recliners. She laid the chairs as flat as they'd go, wrapped us in blankets, and then gave us each shoulder and hand massages. She said she wanted us to relax! It was precious!

Fun times on the trampoline. 



Photo credit: Our Little Lady

We'll never forget this day with her. I don't think she will, either.

Our drive home was surprisingly louder, happier, and much more enjoyable than the trip down. We both feel so at peace about where LL is right now and all we could do was smile and praise the Lord. He really is good. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************

About Us: 

We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day. 

Key Posts:
Oasis (post from Brian)
Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

10/5/14

All the feelings

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but please bear with me as I share some photos and some feelings with you. 

Many of you have called or texted this week to check in on us. When asked how we feel, I just want to say...I feel everything. I've felt all the feelings. I don't know which one I feel right now, but rest assured, I've felt them all. Let me introduce you to a few of them. 

Denial

Yes, our friend denial visited us several times this week, and I'm sure he's not moving out anytime soon. 

We had the whole week to pack up her things, but we kept putting it off. 

There was something comforting about walking into her room and knowing we'd find half used pieces of construction paper, stuffed animals, and Barbie shoes strewn all over the floor. When we got sad this week, we could pop into her room and pretend for just a second that she wasn't really gone. 

Maybe she was just at school. 

Maybe she'd be running through the door any minute now, screaming, and laughing, eager to tell us about her accomplishments for the day. 

But, no one ran through the door. 

No one was screaming. No one ran into our room wearing an FBI outfit, demanding to know our names and addresses. No one was begging to go bike riding or hula hoop outside with the dog. 

It's never felt so quiet in this house. We found ourselves turning on music or turning up the TV to even out the volume level in our reality and our memories. 

Wonder 

I'm not sure if this is a feeling more than it is a verb, but this is my blog, so I can make up the rules. 

I wonder if I soaked in our last moments together as much as I should have. I know it will never feel like our time together was sufficient, but did I do enough? Hug her enough? Show her what it means to serve Jesus by serving others...enough?

The last time I woke her up for school. 
Our last good night hug. 
The last time I'd watch her run into the gym when I dropped her off at school. 
Our last dinner together as a family of three. 
The last time we fed a homeless person together or donated her clothes to a child in need. 
The last glimpse we had of her showing us the "I love you" sign over her top bunk before we closed the door and told her good night. 
The last time she'd sit in her hot pink, zebra-printed booster seat. 

And SO many other lasts. 

There are lasts at every turn. There are reminders of her all over this house. Sometimes it's too much to bear. 

And then a third feeling washes over me. It comforts me. It reminds me why we chose to take this journey in the first place.

Gratefulness

If you're looking for proof that the Lord can make something good out of something so awful, look no further than the Foster Care system in your own backyard. 

There are a million reasons our Little Lady (and approximate 600,000 other foster kids in America) could give up on hope; so many reasons she could hate, and fear, and reject the adults around her. There are so many reasons that we, as her foster parents, should resent case workers, birth parents, documentation, regulations, and the "system," but at the end of the day, what we honestly feel is...

gratefulness

We are grateful to have known her and to have lived life alongside her. 

We are grateful for the progress she was able to make in our home, through her therapist, her case workers, her teachers, our friends and family members who poured truth and love into her, and through us. 

We are grateful that she was so brave and she pushed herself to love more, trust more, and give more, even when everything was crashing down around her. 

We are grateful for her grandparents who have gone above and beyond to accommodate us into their life, and into our little one's life, and who this week texted us to ask how we're doing. They are the earthly picture of grace and mercy and I am beyond grateful for their Christ-like love. 

I'm grateful that God chose to use us to impact her life. 

Just two simple people who couldn't change the whole world, but changed this little girl's whole world

Packing up her room. It looks so empty in here. And clean. All of a sudden, I hate a clean room. I'd take her glittery messes over sparkly walls and countertops any day. 

Officially the last time I'll do her laundry.

Missing the little girl behind the birthstone of this necklace.

Everything's packed up and ready to go.

***********************************************************************************************************************************

About Us: 

We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day. 

Key Posts:
Oasis (post from Brian)
Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

10/3/14

Learning our new "normal"

When we first discussed taking this week off, I wasn't sure if we'd need that much time. I thought maybe I'd only need a day or two to grieve the loss of our Little Lady, and then I could return to work. I'm so thankful that Bry convinced me to take the whole week. While the grieving process has no "end date," we were able to spend a lot of time talking about her and sharing our favorite memories with her. We were also able to sleep, and rest, and catch up on non-G rated movies and TV shows. 

We miss her like crazy, but I feel like we're going to make it. 

First date night in months. First time I've put on makeup in about two weeks. 

We missed our Little Lady a lot today. I'm so thankful that we can buy and mail her cards and gifts when we miss her on days like this. 

Brian has mastered the art of smoked sirloin nachos. They're amazing! 

Yummmm!

Add some pico, guac, and sour cream, and it'll be delish. I promise!! The only thing that would've made it better would be if LL could've enjoyed these with us.

Friday morning. Lucy was all dressed up and ready to go, but her dad left her at home. :)

So beautiful. After renting a canoe on Tuesday, he decided to buy his own on Wednesday. I know we'll make a lot of memories in this boat, and I hope we can take our Little Lady on canoe rides if she's able to come up to visit! 

Enjoying an early morning canoe ride. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************

About Us: 

We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day. 

Key Posts:
Oasis (post from Brian)
Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

10/1/14

Day 2 of therapy

Day 2 without our Little Lady included canoeing on the lake, a 3 hour nap, cleaning the house, and lounging around. 

She's seriously the BEST dog. Oh, until she almost made the canoe flip over. That was not the best dog. 


Exploring. 

Watching her dad load the canoe. 

1. I'm so grateful that LL's grandma lets us text and call her. 2. She really DOES love us!!!!

***********************************************************************************************************************************

About Us: 

We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day. 

Key Posts:
Oasis (post from Brian)
Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

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