Whew. It's been a ROUGH day. Yes, rough with all capital letters. We hadn't had any meltdowns for about 4 days, and I thought we were almost past the phase, but I think our Little Lady was just saving them up for today. I counted about 10 meltdowns today. (She just finished #10 a few minutes ago - right before falling asleep.)
It's so hard to help her sometimes. Does anyone else feel this way, foster or not??? I know her little heart is sorting through a million different emotions, but it's so hard to help her when she won't let us in (she even tells us, "You can't help me. I need my mom. You're not my mom. See, you can't help me.") I know many of you are thinking, "Well, it's understandable - she's been through a lot!" Please don't get me wrong - we completely understand that there are valid reasons for why she feels this way, but am I still allowed to admit that it's hard, and demanding, and awful sometimes?
Sorry if this wasn't the post you were hoping to read. This stuff is real, and it's days like this that I'm reminded of the unpredictable nature of our lives right now.
There are moments during the day that just feel so normal. It feels like we've lived with LL for months, or years, or forever, and we go through the motions for a few hours. But then she'll say something about her family, or throw a tantrum over her dress being too tight, or scream because she stepped on a crack in the dirt, and I realize that I don't really know this tiny person.
We've only just met.
And I'm still trying to learn more about her. I am trying so hard. And then I realize that she's trying too. And the closer she gets to us, the more she realizes how far she is from her own "people." Her family. The people she made me list by name while we prayed tonight. Every single one. She even threw in, "and Uncle ----, even though he almost ate a cat." (Huh?)
We knew this would be hard. But I'm surprised how hard it actually is. Even more than that, though, I'm surprised by how fantastic it is. On some days.
Just not today.
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Crashed in the backseat after her 3rd Easter egg hunt this weekend.
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About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
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ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's heartbreaking. Ugh. So sorry to hear about times like this. -Anie
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post! I have been reading your blog for a few days (I almost feel like I am apart of this adventure)! My husband and I are almost licensed! They are just waiting for our physicals (we waited last minute not sure why) and our babysitters finger prints! I am learning so much from your blog and appreciate it! God bless you all!
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