She's not my mom

These words are still ringing in my ears three days later. 

She was in one bathroom stall, I was in the other. Two ladies walked in and heard us talking. LL came out of the stall first and one of the ladies asked her something and referred to me as her mom. She quickly corrected the lady and said, almost angrily, "She's not my mom."

There's nothing I could ever do to replace the place in her heart that belongs to her mom. And it's not even that I want to. But in some ways, I just wish she could understand that there's a reason she's with us and not with her parents. And maybe I wish that she'd be a little more grateful for everything we're providing for her right now. I know that's asking a lot, but it's just my reality right now. 

The longer she is separated from her mother, that place in her heart just grows wider and deeper and more longinly for her mom. 

And so, it's starting to settle in. 

The jealousy. 

I tried to push it back. And ignore it. And deny it, but I'm only fooling myself if I do not admit that it's making me a little envious to hear her talk about how perfect her mom is, and how inept I am, when here I am, trying to fill that role in her life right now. 

We were warned about this, too, but I'm finding out that learning and experiencing are two very different things. 

So, I'll just keep setting out her clothes, doing her hair, covering scrapes, cleaning the sheets, and putting one step in front of the other to take care of all of the little tasks that come together to make a day in LL's life. 

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It was another one of those days where I saw our Little Lady for about 10 minutes before we started bath time. I hate when I get home so late! :(

LL's quotes:

- Me: "Do you know what awkward means?" LL: "Yup, complicated." Yup, that sums it up pretty well. :)
- (After I told her we were three minutes late leaving the house this morning), LL: "You care more about your work than you do about my school." Me: "No, I care about both the same. It's just really important that we leave on time so my boss doesn't fire me." LL: "My mom has lost her job a thousand times...it's not that big of a deal."
- "He needs to cut his hair. I WANT HIS HAIR!!! It is so long and pretty!!!"
- "She (LL's teacher) wouldn't care even if I told her. But, she's still a really nice teacher. She's just trying to get us to solve our own problems."
- "Woah! He bald!" (The older, adult version of David in our bible story.)

A glimpse into our world.

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About Us: 

We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day. 

Key Posts:

We are Facebook-Official!

Saying goodbye to someone I've never met

Will you get a white one?

Yup, it's gonna hurt.

Day 1 with our Little Lady

Oasis