Close your eyes. Follow me!

"Close your eyes!!! Follow me!!" she yelled as she ran down the stairs and grabbed my soapy hands. It took me over an hour to do the dishes because she wanted me to see what she was doing about 5 times tonight. 

I know this seems insignificant to most people, maybe even annoying to some, but this is a huge step for our Little Lady (LL!) She wanted me to help her set out her clothes. She wanted me to open the door for her. She wanted me to retrieve her water bottle from the toilet (okay, that one is understandable, and yes, it's true.) She wanted me to just be there and be with her. 

See, her first reaction is to do everything herself. Everything. The first night she was here, the timer went off on the microwave and she was the first one to get up from the table to get the corn. We told her she didn't need to get it and that we'd take care of it.  

I'm sure there were a lot of things she had to take care of herself only days ago. It's hard for me to fathom how much her life has changed in 5 days. 

She's opening up a little more each day and inviting us closer to her heart. This will look different with each stage of grief she'll suffer through, but for now it's taking on the form of LOUD noises - laughter, singing at the top of her lungs, or a favorite of hers right now - grabbing both of my arms and making a grunting noise, eyes open wide. We'll need to invest in squeeze toys soon because my biceps will only be able to bear her grip for so long! 

I wish I could rewire her precious 7-year-old brain and erase all of the memories of her fending for herself and always doing without. If I think about it for too long, I find myself becoming angry about all of the heartache she's had to endure and all of the experiences that have led to her feeling like she had to do something herself if it was going to get done. 

Will she ever know what it means to be a kid and just be? Will she get to a place where she can play with her Barbies in the bathtub, make up a story line for them, and not ask me why she can't be with her mom right now? Will she be able to go to school and not have to worry about kids (or teachers) asking about why she's starting so late in the year or why she's staying with us? 

I pray that she will someday hear the still, soft voice of Jesus asking her to do the same. Close your eyes, follow me! You can trust me. I've got you. Search me and know my heart. I am enough for YOU. You've carried your own weight for long enough. I've got it from here, sweetie. Lean on me and find true rest. 

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On a lighter note, today was the first day of first grade for LL. When we first started talking about school on Thursday/Friday, she made it very clear that she did NOT want to go to school. But, when we learned the mascot was the huskies, we jumped all over it and hyped her up! Every time we drove past the school, we'd wave and yell, "Bye, Huskies! I'll see you on Monday!" Then we'd wave at the building like crazy people. She caught on and quickly fell in love with the idea of becoming a husky herself, and ultimately, accepting that she'd be going to a new school. 

Brian, being the incredible, thoughtful father that he is, not only drove around to find a Husky stuffed animal, but he thought of the best way to surprise her with it. You can see in the pic below - Husky was strapped into her booster seat, anxiously awaiting the screams and giggles from a happy 7-yr-old little girl. We explained that Husky would need to stay in her backpack, but he'd be with her all day while we couldn't be there and he'd be watching over her. 

The next surprise came at pick-up time when Ms. Lucy Lou met her in the carpool line. LL was SO excited to see her that she almost ran into our moving truck. She was determined to hug and kiss on Lucy the second she saw her. I've never seen a kiddo hug a dog harder than she hugged my bear! 

LL's quotes:

- "The paparazzi are coming through!" (She's all into taking photos with my point-and-shoot camera!)

- Me: I hope you aren't splashing water on the floor in there!

Her: I'm not.....my doll is.