I knew what he asked, but I asked him to repeat it anyway. I don't think I wanted to accept the reality this question forced me into so quickly.
Oh yeah, there will actually be a last 5 minutes. That's actually going to happen.
I wish I could count the number of people who have said, "Yeah, but you knew she was gonna have to leave when you started this, right?"
Of course we did. Just like you knew that your children wouldn't live forever when you decided to have kids. At some point, you'll have to say goodbye, too. But you don't want that to be too soon, or before you're ready (which is never), so it doesn't make it any easier to accept the fact that they will leave.
Can you imagine what it would sound like if someone asked you, "Yeah, I know you love your kid and all, but you know they're gonna leave you someday, so why do you care about them so much?"
What would you do if you only had 5 more minutes with your child before they left and you never saw them, ever again?
Some of the options I've considered:
1. Count every single freckle and memorize every curve, bump, and line that make up her sweet face.
2. Listen to her sing, "Let it Go."
3. Cry, hug, tickle, smile, laugh, giggle, repeat.
4. Pray for her. For her future. For her family. For her future children. For their children. That she will end the generational line of foster kids in her family and build a new path for her children. That she will not be enslaved by drugs or addiction. That she will find worth and value in Jesus alone.
5. Pick her up, hold her in our arms and just rock her for a while.
It doesn't matter what we do in those last 300 seconds with our Little Lady. Nothing will feel sufficient. No matter what we do, I know we will look back and want a do-over to say one more thing, to give one more hug, to tell her that Jesus loves her and so do we. Just one more time.
At her last visit, she begged the social worker to let her give her mom one more hug, one more kiss, to just have one more minute with her.
And then I realize that nothing will ever feel sufficient for her, either.
LL's quotes:
- "How can you get un-married? Would you and Ms. Julie ever want to get un-married?" That was the interesting, random question for the night.
Swings at sunset.
Awesome crane toy at the park.
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About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
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