...you get a call from an unknown number only to realize it's your foster daughter calling you from the CPS case worker's phone from CiCi's.
I'm not 100% positive, but I'm pretty sure most, if not all, of the mommies I know will be able to make it through a couple of decades of their kids' lives without experiencing this.
Even though our Little Lady is our foster daughter, she still feels like family, so it's surreal to me that I don't know exactly where she is or who she's with or what she's eating or what she's experiencing at all times.
I know Bry and I would not be ok with our bio-kids hanging out with random adults at pizza joints on school nights if we had a say.
If we had control.
It's crazy how little we really have control over as foster parents.
We had to get a haircut approved for LL by CPS before we could schedule something. A trim, not even half an inch, and it had to be approved by about 5 people!
We aren't allowed to give LL hand-me-down clothes or toys.
We aren't allowed to search for items under her bed or in her drawers without asking.
We must honor her request if she wishes to speak to her lawyer. (I'm sure some kids would love to pull that one on their parents.)
We aren't allowed to have a trampoline. I didn't even want one 5 months ago, but now I do. Just cause we can't. (Just kidding, I don't really care.)
We have little to no control over our own schedule. Every week, we have 2-3 visitors in and out of our home checking in on our Little Lady.
CPS reserves the right to interview my neighbors, church members, and co-workers to decide if we are fit to be parents. If we could do that for all children, maybe there wouldn't be so many kids in foster care. Or, maybe there'd be more.
One of the biggest things we don't have control over is how carefully LL must be supervised. Even in the safety and comfort of our home, she must be within ear/eyeshot at all times. That means we cannot be in the front yard while she's playing in her room. One of us must go outside with her, or stay inside with her. This also means that we never, ever, ever, okay except for two times, never, ever get to go on dates. I won't even go into the requirements for a babysitter.
All this to say...
God knew what He was doing when He put it on our hearts to become foster parents. He knew how much the lack of control would push me and stretch me and cause me to lean in closer to Him every single day.
I am learning to trust Him and believe that He knows her past, her present, and her future. I couldn't control her chaotic past, I have absolutely no control over her future, and I'm starting to realize that I have to surrender to His plan for LL moment by moment. In her present.
As much as I complain about how little control I have over her situation, I realize that she has the least amount of control of all.
And she doesn't seem that worried about it.
I'm praying for child-like faith that trusts at all times. Faith that says, "I'm just along for the ride. Where are we going next?"
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." (Romans 8:26-28 MSG)
LL's quotes:
- "I owe the tooth fairy $3.00. She let me borrow it a few months ago."
- LL: "I bought you this ring." Me: "Wow! Thanks, ----!! Is it a promise ring?" (She loves to talk about our promise rings and tell us how her dad didn't make a promise to her mom yet.) LL: "Yeah. I promise to always and forever love....umm...this house." Me: "Is there anything inside the house you love?" LL: "Lucy." (The dog. Lucy's always the #1 pick.) Me: "....Anything....else??" LL: "And y'all."
Night = made.
Even if I did have to pull it out of her. That may be the closest we'll ever get to an "I love you." I'll take it.
*****************************************************************************************************************************************
About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
About Us:
We began our foster journey in mid-August 2013. We finished our classes in October, had our home study in early January, and we were licensed on February 7, 2014. After seven calls from CPS, we received our first placement, a 7-year-old girl (our Little Lady, or LL for short) on April 3, 2014. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about our journey through the craziness that is foster care. Most importantly, thanks for your prayers, love, and support. We hope to encourage fellow foster/adoptive parents as we document our ups and downs each day.
Key Posts:
Oasis (post from Brian)
Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)
LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.
I know that did a heart good! :-) she may not say it but she has let y'all into some of the most intimate parts of her life and she trusts you. Hugs friend
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so transparent and so open to letting God. You guys are rocking this parenting thing, whether you feel like it all the time or not.
ReplyDeleteP.S. she totally loves you