Live. Love. Foster.

Oasis (post from Brian)

Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/25/14

Forever

LL's quotes:

- "I wear mitchmatch socks every day."

- "My teeth are always extra wiggly and bouncy when I first wake up in the morning."

- "Alls I heard was, 'tiger stomach.'"

- "Were things more peaceful around here before I came?"

First day of 2nd grade!

LL and Lucy Lou.

Lucy wishes she could go to 2nd grade, too.

First day of school pancakes/Bry's birthday pancakes made by yours truly.

Walking her to class on the first day!

It was both of their special day, so naturally, they chose Testa. :)

May have been our last time there. :(

We continued the birthday celebration at home with brownies and presents.

LL's present to him was his favorite, of course!

Me: "Mr. Brian is going to keep it (his bday present) forever. It's so special to him." LL: "Not forever. I'm not gonna be here forever." Me: "He will keep it forever, even if you don't live here." LL: "I won't see him forever, though." Me: "I hope Mr. Brian and I can see you when you get older." LL: "My mom won't let me see you when I'm older." Me: "I mean when you're old and grown up and wrinkly and gray. I hope we can still visit you." LL: "I'm going to live with my mom and dad forever, so I won't be able to see you."

Key Posts:

Oasis (post from Brian)

Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/24/14

Get in line, Santa

I think it's safe to say that most parents would agree that talking about Santa, and whether or not he truly exists, should be a pretty big conversation. It's just one of those things that all parents will have to face at some point.

That moment happened for us this week.

And it should've been a big deal, but it fell third in line behind: No one loves me and Really, really bad things have happened to me (sorry, being vague on purpose.)

Tough conversations like this become the norm when you're a foster parent. I've caught myself going through the motions and snapping out of it just long enough to say: This is hard. This shouldn't be normal. This doesn't feel right.

From the second LL was placed with us, we entered the crazy world of "We can do hard things."

And because of Jesus, we can do hard things.

LL's quotes:

- "I'd make everyone homeless if I was in charge. It isn't fair that we keep cutting down trees to make houses and buildings. Where are all the animals supposed to live if we cut down their homes?" She has such a sweet heart.

- I'm learning that parents have to be quick on their feet...yesterday, LL saw a sign that said, "WTF Martial Arts." She asked me what that meant, and luckily I had a quick answer. I made up something like Wylie Training and Fitness. I guess I should actually say that I'm learning that sometimes parents have to lie.

- "My mom asked me why you make me wear shorts under my dresses. She said, 'Are you gonna wear shorts under your dresses when you grow up?'"

- "What if you got a baby instead of me?"

- "Mr. Brian's had 30 more years experience to practice playing this game. That's why he won."

Drawing and keeping herself busy while I was doing the newborn photo shoot.

The father at the house we were at was an artist and he was so good with LL! He was teaching her how to use charcoal and blending tools and all kinds of things!

Dessert and back to school shopping with my sweet Mother-in-Law!

Playing with Cassy at Matt and Jan's house.

How we do movie night...push the couch and coffee table in front of the TV, drinks and snacks, and QT hot dogs!

Key Posts:

Oasis (post from Brian)

Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/22/14

I'm not an orphan

We bought a couple gallons of milk today. I hate that my first thought was, I wonder if this will be the last gallon of milk we share together as a family of three.

LL's quotes:

- LL: "I already had a home. I'm not an orphan. My mom was really tough and she walked me to the car on the day they took me away. My dad wasn't there. It was probably better that way."

- "She's so overrated with the butter." (Translation - Ms. Julie loves butter a little bit too much.)

- "I'm not full full full full full. I still want dessert."

- "A Mexican restaurant AND a new pizza place right behind our house? How could it get better??"

"It's 2 player, Ms. Julie!"

Leaving all-day daycare for the last time.

Just arrived at Meet the Teacher!

School supplies dropped off, name in her books, questionnaire filled out. She's ready to start on Monday! Ironically, her new teacher was a foster parent who adopted her daughter when she was 7 years old.

We've missed our Huskies all summer!

Living room camping...again!

Big hugs.

Holding the door for people at Texas Roadhouse. So sweet!

We decided it was going to be cowboy/cowgirl night tonight.

C, J, and the Beanie Baby even dressed up and J taught her how to two step!

Just us.

Key Posts:

Oasis (post from Brian)

Why I don't usually write (post from Brian)

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/21/14

Another night in the closet

I could hear him breathing from the bedroom door. The lights were off, so I just followed the sound of his deep breaths. Through the bedroom and the bathroom, into the closet.

I found him sitting on the ottoman, legs stretched out, hands dangling at his sides, and the lights off.

Deep, quiet sobs. So strong, yet quiet, so she wouldn't hear him.

If you've never found your spouse crying in the closet like this, you are blessed. I hope you never have to experience the intense, immediate pain you'd feel deep inside of your stomach.

Sometimes the pain cuts so deep. The unknowns are too abundant. And the unanswered questions become maddening. And when you finally do get an answer, you wish you'd never even asked the question.

Because the dream stops and reality resumes.

We knew this would be hard. We even wrote a blog post about it a few months ago.

But that was before we met her. This beautiful, incredible little girl who has forever changed our lives.

It's so much harder than I ever thought it would be. To love a child as if they were your own. To invite them into the most private places in your home, and into your heart. To listen to her tell stories about her life, and to spend so much time together that eventually, some of those stories even involve you. To pour into her and give, and love, and speak truth to her, and to dream of a life together forever...only to discover that it isn't very likely.

We cried, and sobbed, and allowed ourselves to be mad and talk about how unfair her situation is. We allowed ourselves to be selfish for a moment and think about how unfair this is for us, too.

We picked ourselves up off the floor and went in to read with our Little Lady.

We tried to be strong.

We tried to read our bedtime story and say our prayers.

We tried to get through hugs and I-love-you's without a tear or a sniffle.

And we almost made it. Almost.

-----------------------------------------------

LL's quotes:

- "My coupons came in the mail!"

- CPS Case worker: "So...are you all ready for school to start on Monday?" LL: "I was born ready!"

- "The earth was just talking to me. It said I should stop folding my clothes and go save my dog."

All dressed up and nowhere to go. This is the outfit she picked out after her bath. I'm convinced that she thought she was going to see her mom and this is what she wanted to wear. She even had her purse on her shoulder. The sign she's holding says her name in sparkly letters and it says, "I love you. To: mom and dad." It looks wet because she sprayed it with perfume. I stopped her right before she covered every letter with lipstick because she wanted to make it look "glossy."

Key Posts:

Oasis

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/20/14

I'm not loved here.

After she wrote this, we talked in the closet for a while. She said that she didn't feel loved because we make her help with her laundry and we don't give her cupcakes everyday.

Key Posts:

Oasis

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/16/14

I wonder a lot of things

LL's quotes:
- Bry: "What's nine minus two?" LL: "I don't know, I don't know multiplication."
- Bry: "What's nine minus two?" LL: "My teacher didn't teach me that yet."
- "I wonder a lot of things. Did you ask your mom and dad a bunch of questions when you were little?"
- "My scorpion tattoo is totes beautiful."
- "I wish I could sleep forever, but then I wouldn't be able to get married or have children."
- "How long has this bottle of mayo been alive?"
- "Ooooohhh a camo swimming suit! That way if you're swimming, the deer won't find you!"

Learning about termite colonies.

Triple hand hold.

Such a sweet moment...I thought she was licking my cheek, but she was actually giving me a kiss!

Martial arts practice after dinner.

When I got home on Friday night, LL said, "I knew you were with the Beanie Baby! I could smell him! He smells like roses and slobber!!"

Key Posts:

Oasis

LL...if you just stumbled upon this blog and you're freaking out because you see pictures of yourself, please START HERE.

8/11/14

Merry-go-round-Monday

Today we learned that it's stinking hard to shield your kids from inappropriate songs and commercials. Especially at the mall.

We had to pick up my ring at the mall; we had sent it off to be replated and cleaned. We thought it'd be fun to eat at the food court before we picked it up.

At this particular mall, there were TVs everywhere and they were playing music videos. Not kid-friendly music videos. Noooo, that would be too thoughtful.

At one point, we asked our Little Lady not to watch the video on the screen. She tried looking away, but there were TVs in every direction. She said, "It's really hard. They're all over the place."

Our society does not make it easy to raise your kids in a "wholesome way." In fact, it's an almost impossible feat. I know we can't shield her from everything, but we'll try for as long as we can.

Practicing martial arts together.

She kissed this horse on the neck at the end of the ride. :)

Last stop at the mall...the hermit crabs!

Key Posts:

Oasis