"Will you get a white one?"

What I felt like inside...

Yes, I was actually asked this question yesterday. I'm sure this person had the best of intentions, but it prompted me to clarify a few things...

Asking questions about foster kids can get pretty awkward. People genuinely want to know what's going on in our journey, but they don't always know how to ask the questions, and that's OK! Usually the questions come out a little like this...

(Enter well-intended guest into my personal space):
"Hey, Julie! How's it going? So, uh, how's the adoption thing going?"

Me: "Oh, hi, -----. Things are going well, but we're trying to become foster parents; we might adopt, but we'll see." (Things are currently at an awkwardness level of a 2/5.)

Them: "So, which one will you get?" (Awkwardness level rising...)

Me: (trying not to look mortified) "Well, it just depends on the children who need our help once we become licensed."

Them: "But, you get a choice, right?"

Me: (Wow, that's a big question...did you get a choice on the kids you got???) "Well, we can give our preferences, but it will ultimately depend on whoever God wants to place in our home."

Them: "Can you ask for a white one?"

Me: "I'm sorry?" (Awkwardness level through the roof.) 

I know people have good intentions when they ask things like this. Let's face it, most people know how to ask about a baby; you start with, "When are you due?", "Do you plan to find out the sex of the baby?", "What colors will you decorate the nursery with?"

Questions about foster care are awkward because God never intended for His kids to be a part of it. It's weird because it isn't natural. Kids should be with their birth parents and their parents should just take care of them. The end. But unfortunately, things don't always pan out that way. 

Before we took a month of classes, I'm sure I probably asked a few awkward questions as well. It helps to understand what foster care is a little bit before asking. Here's an article that explains the basics of foster care.

We welcome your questions and love that our friends and family just want to know about our journey and support us. 

And if you're curious, no, we will not request a white one.

Snowcation

An impromptu 4-day weekend is my new favorite thing. Can we make this happen more often? K, thanks. 

The 4 days "iced-in" began with this...

 

Included a little of this...

And a lot of this...

A few pics of the ice/snow...

We were the dummies who forgot to stock up on food, so we had to walk to Walmart. Bry obviously considered this to be a "fun adventure," while I sulked and complained about it. By the time we got there, I couldn't think of what we needed; all I could think about was that whatever we bought, we'd have to CARRY. We ended up buying a cup of soup and some gum (back at the house, I spilled the cup of soup all over the counter, so that trip was pretty much pointless.)

We were able to venture out a few times to see my Beanie Baby! Holding him for hours at a time just never gets old. 

The 2013 Arctic Blast set us back a few weeks on the foster timeline. We never heard from the agency about scheduling the home study AND we had to postpone our shower. We'll update soon if we hear anything! 

Life Update

Our 9-day vacation comes to a close tomorrow. It's sad, but this break couldn't have come at a better time. 

We finished our second-to-last step to become licensed foster parents on Tuesday! A rep from the agency came over to check the house and ensure that we are ready for the home study (which we hope to schedule within 2 weeks from now.) We were advised to fix a couple of things...move the fire extinguishers down a little bit so a child can reach them if they ever needed to, move the edger and all cleaning supplies up a little higher so a child can't reach them, and update/print new fire escape plans after we move the fire extinguishers. Yes, we have to have printed fire escape plans on each floor of the house. I proposed that we sketch the plan on the back of a napkin and just post it. Bry had a different idea...behold, a window into my husband's brain! This thing is amazing! He even included a little tornado to show where we'd hide if there was one...he's something else!

We've now finished every step on our end and we begin the waiting game. Wait to schedule the home study, wait for the home study, wait for the "panel" to review our home study, wait for any follow-up questions, wait for the panel to meet again, wait to get the call that we (hopefully!!!!) are licensed foster/adoptive parents! The agency rep mentioned January 1st as a possible date that we could be licensed by. She doesn't think it'd be earlier than that, and we hope it isn't much later than that. 

A few pics from this week...

The week got off to a rough start, as Bry was sick for the first few days. This was the most pathetic face he could muster up and text me...he was sad I left him to go see my nephew. I couldn't help it - I had to see him! 

Paige, Josh, Aubrey and "Maggie" came over to hang out. Lucy was in heaven!! 

Aubrey and I had a mini Pinterest party till 2 in the morning and she did my nails, too! 

Lucy was SO excited to have her long-lost-red-headed-best-friend over! They slept in the guest room/foster room and Lucy was in love! 

I did three photo shoots this week...two newborn and one family shoot. Here are some of my faves:

This was our first Thanksgiving with our precious Beanie Baby! I can't post pics, but I can assure you, it was the best Thanksgiving ever!!!

Grandma was perfectly content sitting here for hours with the little guy!

I attempted to go shopping on Black Friday at Camera Stop, hoping I'd win a camera they were giving away in a contest. I didn't win the camera, but I did win these!!!

My goal today is to not have to get out of my pajamas as I enjoy the last few hours of freedom before going back to real life. :)

Saying goodbye to someone I've never met

Saying goodbye can be so hard. Sometimes it's temporary, sometimes it's forever. Saying goodbye to the child I will never meet has wrecked me.

Since I was old enough to drag a baby doll behind me, I've dreamed of the day I would meet my own child and hold her in my arms. As I practiced feeding my dolls their plastic pizza and hamburger dinner, I would picture myself feeding my newborn child and staring at her unbelievably perfect features. I couldn't wait to meet my husband so we could wait together to meet our child. 

As I grew older, I never spent more than a few seconds considering that I might never be able to have children of my own. I knew a few women who were unable to conceive, and while my heart was so heavy for them, I would (selfishly) finish each prayer with, "Wow. I'm so glad God would never do that to me, since He knows how badly I long for a family." 

Well, I grew up, and I met the most amazing man that God placed so perfectly in my path. We were 18 when we met and 22 when we got married, so we were young and in no hurry to start a family. We focused on our careers and thought we were taking all the right steps...pay towards student loans, save for a house, get a puppy, go on a few vacations before we had kids...

It's hard to say goodbye to this child whom I will never kiss goodnight, never tuck in at bedtime, never teach how to ride a bike; but it's even harder, in the midst of these goodbyes and this sadness, to turn to the Lord and profess that His ways ARE better than my ways. While I know that the best day I can dream of with my family pales in comparison to what He has for me, it is still so hard to say goodbye. 

Everyday is a challenge, but everyday is also a gift. I'm learning, growing, and walking closer to the Lord everyday...waiting and hoping to discover what He has in store for our family, whatever that may be. 

We're getting close to the end!

Maybe that should say the beginning! In the last few days, we've finished the health inspection and the fire/safety inspection! Just a few things left before the home study...and then we wait.

Wait for the call that we're "licensed parents." Wait to meet the child God will place in our home. Wait, wait, wait...

In other news, we are officially Tio B and Aunt JuJu now!!!!!! Our nephew, the "Beanie Baby" was born on Friday at 12:14 in the afternoon. He is absolutely precious and PERFECT. We are in love! 

In other, other news, I've launched my photography website....check it out if you get a minute! 

www.juliehillsphotography.com

We will post another update soon once we schedule the home study!!!!

Don't wash baby with hose. Got it.

My brother-in-law sent me the most informative, hilarious, disturbing website I've probably ever read in my life. I'm so confused. Is this supposed to be a joke, or are people so foolish that someone had to make a photographic cheat sheet for them to understand that you shouldn't wash your child with a hose or put them in the dryer after a bath??? Either way, the website is hysterical, and you, too, should check it out! http://parenting-101.info/

In other news, Bry decided to set up the tent in the living room tonight. :)

I feel smarter this evening now that I know: 1) not to let a foster child sleep in the dresser, and 2) Bry is going to be a fun, spontaneous, and great dad someday! 

Back to the blog!

We've been terribly behind on blogging and behind in life, in general. We've been working so much this month that we've barely made progress on our to-do list to prepare for the home study. I'm hoping to update the blog more consistently this month! 

There are (at least) 8 things I know for SURE (with pictures to accompany below):

1. I'm anticipating the arrival of my sweet baby nephew any day now! Can't wait to meet my Beanie Baby!!!

2. I married the most interesting and amazing man in Texas, well, at least in Dallas. :)

3. I'm completely exhausted and I have to find a way to do my job differently. 

4. My dog loves me unconditionally, and she can pull off a scarf like it's nobody's business. 

5. I miss photography and secretly fantasize about how I can spend more time perfecting this craft. 

6. Impromptu camping is not recommended, but taking pictures of your dog hanging out of a window is. 

7. Bahama Bucks fills at least a few voids in my life. 

8. The weather is lending itself towards long walks in the park and under bridges. Love it! 

What I'm learning from Amos

Yes, the Amos from the bible. (Do you know any other Amoses?) 

A few months ago, Matt Ford preached a sermon about Amos and parts of it have stuck with me. I've thought about something Matt said and I'm now able to connect a few dots, where it was cloudy before. 

"God calls you what you aren't yet, but what you will be."

When I first heard him say this, I pleaded with God that He'd call me "satisfied," or "blessed." But, if I'm really being honest here, all I wanted Him to call me was: MOM.

If you've never read the book of Amos, you probably should. I won't bore you with a long summary, but basically it's a little book with a few chapters - most of which explain how upset God was that Israel's neighbors (and ultimately Israel itself) were displeasing Him. So, what does Amos have to do with this? 

Amos was just a simple shepherd, turned prophet, who spoke the words God gave him. He was bothered by how wealthy the wealthy were and how poor the poor were. 

Things were going really well in Israel - there weren't any wars going on at the time, and things were actually pretty quiet for a change. So, you can imagine how upset the religious leaders were when little, old Amos decided to spiritually attack them with God's words and shake things up at such a peaceful time. 

At one point, a priest lashed back at Amos and started a rumor that Amos had plans to kill the king. The priest begged Amos to stop preaching in his town. 

This is where it gets interesting! I can see Amos in my mind - mid-sentence, he stops what he's doing and realizes what's going on. He's never been called a preacher before. He was probably always referred to as "shepherd," or "son," or "brother." No one had ever called him a preacher. 

He responds quickly, "I never set up to be a preacher, never had plans to be a preacher. I raised cattle and I pruned trees. Then God took me off the farm and said, ‘Go preach to my people Israel.’" (Amos 7:14-15)

I've tried to think about what my response might be, if it was similar to Amos'. It might sound something like this...

"I never set out to be a foster mom, never had plans to be someone's back-up plan. I was a teacher and I enjoyed learning alongside my kiddos. Then God took me out of the classroom and said, 'Go parent and teach the children I will send into your home.'" (This is NOT in the Bible, so don't look for a reference here.) :)

I haven't completely figured out what God has called me or what I will be, but I'm learning to become malleable. He has given me names and called me different things over the last (almost) 30 years of my life. With each new name, I've learned that He has a way of giving me that name before I realize it's happening. 

And it's probably better that way. 

We are Facebook-official!

Well, today we officially made our decision to be foster parents 100% public by announcing it to our Facebook friends. So, if you are just joining our blog, welcome! For our new blog visitors, here are the Cliff Notes of our fostering journey:

• We have been married for about 7 1/2 years, and having kids didn't pan out for us. So we investigated alternative ways to grow our family. Around mid-August, we began seriously praying and considering fostering or fostering to adopt kids in need. By the beginning of October, we determined that fostering was definitely God's plan for us and wrapped up the 59-page application process. 

• After Wednesday's CPR/first aid class, we will have completed the 30+ training hours required for Texas foster parents, and we only have the home visit and county safety inspection left to complete! Although we will likely receive our foster license in a few weeks, we will defer a foster placement until December so we can help my bro/sis-in-law with their upcoming Thanksgiving baby. (Yeah!!!)

• We are open to accepting 4-9 year-old children of either gender and any race (one child at a time). The average foster placement is about a year long, and we are already trying to prepare for the coming days when we will need to say goodbye at the end of our foster placements. 

For those that feel led to help us prepare for this journey, please begin to pray for our future foster children who may be experiencing abuse in their home tonight as you read this post. We truly appreciate your support as we continue to prepare our hearts and home for a new little visitor to love!

Here's the letter we posted online, if you're interested...

There are many ways to create or build a family. We believe that God is calling us to build our family through foster care!! Every year 250,000 children enter the foster care system. Currently, nearly half of those children are waiting to be adopted. Just like a biological child, we are not guaranteed any number of days with these children. We may or may not have the opportunity to adopt our foster children. No matter what, just like a biological child, our love for them is born and will grow in our hearts. This makes the child real, chosen, beloved; for whom we would give our lives. Foster care is complicated; each child’s situation and story is unique. Why their first family was unable to care for them is private. For a foster child, this is their story to tell when they are adults, with the closest people in their lives. We are unable to share information about the child(ren) who will come into our home. What we can tell you is that we are blessed by the opportunity to parent these children, however long they are with us. We are also thankful for the kindness of our family and friends to learn about our decision to become foster parents on our blog livelovefoster.blogspot.com. We are more than happy to answer any questions you may have for us. Thank you for your prayers for our “growing” family! 

Love, 

Brian and Julie Hills

Surprise Shower!!!

Yup, this happened today! I have the best friends and family EVER!!! Let's start from the beginning...

Around noon today, Bry insisted that we get out of the house and go on a lunch date. Afterwards, he seemed to be carefree and tied to absolutely no kind of schedule. At least, that's how it appeared. :) After driving around and shopping for a bit, we decided to head home. 

I noticed that our garage door was closing when we drove behind the street. First red flag. I thought it must've been my mother-in-law (Jan), and I didn't really think much about it after that. We drove around the other side of the alley - second red flag - and as we approached the driveway, I saw my MOTHER in her Sequoia in my driveway. Sideways. Third red flag. However, being Ms. Completely Non-Observant, I still didn't think much about it. My parents and I love to go back and forth randomly surprising each other by just showing up at each other's houses. I just thought she came to see me. For no reason at all. I was caught off guard, and I couldn't remember what I had planned to do this weekend, but I remember thinking I was busy...I asked Bry, "Quick - what am I doing this weekend? I can't even remember." Apparently I have a memory issue because I can't even remember what he told me. 

As we opened the door, I was shocked to see friends and family shouting, "Surprise!" behind a bar filled with cake, sandwiches and THREE types of mac 'n cheese!! Needless to say, I was completely in shock. 

I've never been on the receiving end of a surprise party, so this was a totally new emotion for me. It felt strange to not know everything I'd be doing the rest of the day or even the rest of the weekend. I can already feel the Lord working on my heart in simple times like this..."You're not in charge. You don't have to be. Let me lead you. I will be your guide." Sorry, I digress....

What followed was several hours of laughter, chasing babies and a dog around the house, catching up with old friends, opening presents, and repeating more times than I can remember, "Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I can't believe this!" 

The details of the story of this shower began to unfold and I discovered that my sweet Jilly Bean was behind it all! With lots of help from Jan, Chrys, Lori, my momma, and Bry, of course! 

We feel overwhelmed with love and support. We haven't even finalized everything or become licensed yet, but it is so clear to me that we are not alone. We have a strong community of friends and family who are ready and willing to support us as we take one step of faith at a time. Right now, that support looks like lying through their teeth to get me to reschedule my plans and shower us with gifts. Someday (rather soon), it might look like bringing by old toys and puzzles or pulling out kids bikes from their attic to bless a kiddo in need. 

I can only hope that we'll be able to reciprocate the love and support, or at least pay it forward to someone who needs us. 

We love all of you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making today unforgettable. I will cherish these memories forever!!!

The unicorn and superhero hooded towels... :)

Choices

I am apprehensive to post this tonight, as it will simultaneously reveal how incredible my husband is and how inept I am as his wife sometimes. But, the world must know...

I knew I married a great man with a great heart, but I didn't know just how big that heart was a decade ago. I wish I could list all of the things he has done in the last 11 days, but I don't think I could even remember everything (see above: incompetent wife!) 

So, here's a short list of what I can remember...

- basically designed/built the kids' room from floor to ceiling

- stayed up until 7 AM this morning to finish the application

- submitted our 58 page fostering application (today!!!!)

- purchased all of the required tools/items we need to have (and took the time to return said items when they didn't fit or didn't work)

- remained patient and loving when I forgot to look for my college degree, even after asking me everyday for about a week

- etc, etc, ETC!!!

I am so thankful that above all, he chooses me everyday. He chooses to love me unconditionally, even when I fall (VERY) short of perfection, or even what most people would consider to be an "Ok" standard. He chooses patience, gentleness, and sacrifice. He chooses to mirror Christ in His life - in the small things AND in the big things. Thankful, grateful, and glad do not even begin to describe how happy I am that I made the smartest decision of my life when I chose to partner with him and walk alongside him as his extremely lucky wife. 

Thank you, babe, for choosing us every minute of everyday. I love you so much! 

......................................................................................................

Also, I spy a frog. 

To Do List, Age Preference, and Legos

To Do List

Here's an update of what I was able to do in the last several days:

•Mount fire extinguisher upstairs and downstairs (required for foster parents)

•Install carbon monoxide detectors upstairs and downstairs (required)

•Install child-safe cabinet locks for chemical cabinets

•Install plug protectors (more for my future nephew than for a future foster placement)

•Mount mirror above the kid's dresser

•Mount book/picture shelves in the kid's room

•Remove martial arts and music stuff from the kid's closet

•Placed children's chapter books (like all of my old Hardy Boys books, etc.) in the kid's closet

•Mow the lawn for exterior house pictures (for our foster application)

•Almost finish our foster application!

What's left?

The only things we have left before we can turn in our 50+ page fostering applications are: find Julie's college degree to make a copy of (hmmm not sure where that is...we should probably find it), draw a floor plan with fire escape routes, and make a copy of Lucy's vaccination records. After turning in the application, we have a medication documentation course (which sounds riveting) and an adult/infant CPR & first aid class. We are getting close! The last steps will be having the county fire inspector come give a safety inspectionm, then have a 4-8 hour home study visit from the agency. This is when the agency dredges through our past, vets us as being great potential foster parents, and makes sure we are wanting to foster for the right reason. Then, they take a few weeks to type up a massive report that CPS will have access to for a placement. At that point, we receive our license and are "open for business". Although we will probably officially be licensed by the end of the month, we are electing to not take a placement until December or the beginning of January due the arrival of my bro's son around Thanksgiving. 

Age Preference

I don't think Julie mentioned it on our blog yet, so I wanted to announce our decision from a couple weeks ago that we know for sure we will request an age group preference of 4-9 years old (either gender, any race). You may have noticed from the bedroom pictures that we won't be taking infants or toddlers, and part of narrowing the age range is due to the large amount of stuff you need to have for infants. To name a few, this would include a crib, stroller, high chair, bouncing chair thing, changing table, etc. Purchasing these items wouldn't be a problem, but it does become a storage issue if you go from an infant foster placement, to a second grader, and then back to an infant again. We simply don't have the attic or closet space to store multiple sizes of mattresses, bed frames, toys, and various infant gear for months or years at a time. 

So, we realized we would need to decide between babies/toddlers or 4-9 year-olds (9 was our upper limit). We love the idea of being able to really help a kid that is old enough to have an idea of what's going on but young enough to still be very malleable. Most importantly, it's the age group that Julie and I have the most experience with. I feel pretty comfortable that, even if we are placed with a child that seriously struggles with behavioral and emotional challenges, we know how to coordinate the academic and emotional support provided by the school system as well as implement positive behavior management techniques to help the child work through the challenges in their life. 

Toys!

I know we can't really start buying lots of toys until we know the age/gender of our first placement, but I figured that you can't go wrong in 'merica with good, old-fashioned Legos. I might have bought them because I had an obsession with Legos as a kid (and I secretly/blatantly hope that our future "visitors" will be obsessed with them as well). And of course, I just had to test them out to make sure they worked straight out of the box. (Right?) I quickly realized that a 500-piece tub of Legos simply will not cut it. We will need to buy more, so keep an eye out for Lego sales for us! I am antsy to buy lots of toys, but I know we really need to hold off until we can find out what our future child is interested in. Besides Legos, of course. 

Ali and Julie's Wedding

Ali and Julie were married this afternoon at a plantation (I know, what!!?!??) in Waco. It was a beautiful day and they are a gorgeous couple!