Take-Aways: Separation, Loss, & Grief Session

So, I've been writing a lot recently about how much we've learned about the foster world...thought I'd share a few things here. Here we go!

• "Many people expect kids to be happy that they have been rescued from abuse. This RARELY happens." (Yes, the word rarely is capitalized on the handout.) It's easy to have a "savior" mentality and think that the child should feel lucky or happy to be out of what most people would consider to be a horrible situation. The reality is that many kids do not even consider their situation to be "horrible" - it's simply their reality. All they know is that their entire world was just shaken up and they were separated from the only people they're familiar with and they're now in a stranger's home; most children will be very unsettled and uncomfortable for quite a while until they learn to trust that we'll meet their physical needs, and then eventually, their emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. This quote haunts me from a website I stumbled upon today, "The children who come into our care have suffered at least the loss of their parents. If this is not the first placement, they have suffered the loss of parent substitutes. Many have also lost the support of their siblings. They have been separated form the place they knew as home. They have also lost many of the things they owned. When we stop to think about how much they have lost, we find it amazing they are able to adjust at all. Some never do."
• Seems obvious, but we were advised not to make any promises about anything when kids are in our home. We should take every day one day at a time. This means not promising that the kids will be returned to their biological home OR that they'll be staying at our house.
• All foster kids will create their own coping mechanisms in their situation. Some kids will place the blame of the situation on themselves and think that if they behave really well, they'll be able to go home.
• It is illegal to poll for information when kids come into our home. We are allowed to offer to be a listening ear, but if they start talking in depth about their situation, we are supposed to wait to respond until the therapist is present.
• We should create a "Crisis Calendar" where we can track potentially challenging dates for the child - such as their mom's birthday, parents' anniversary, sibling's birthday, etc.
• The child shouldn't be the only one adapting to the new living situation. WE should also adapt and embrace the child's interests, culture, etc. We'll all change together! This is actually really exciting for both of us!
• God's Word calls us to be three things to these children: a protector (John 10:27-30), a provider (Phil. 4:19), and a guide (Psalms 32:8). They should feel protected in our home, see us as a source of love, excitement, play, etc. and trust that we'll provide the guidelines for a stable, loving home they may have never experienced before.

This was just a short list of notes from ONE session! I'll add more in the next few weeks. Off to bed...