What I'm learning from Amos

Yes, the Amos from the bible. (Do you know any other Amoses?) 

A few months ago, Matt Ford preached a sermon about Amos and parts of it have stuck with me. I've thought about something Matt said and I'm now able to connect a few dots, where it was cloudy before. 

"God calls you what you aren't yet, but what you will be."

When I first heard him say this, I pleaded with God that He'd call me "satisfied," or "blessed." But, if I'm really being honest here, all I wanted Him to call me was: MOM.

If you've never read the book of Amos, you probably should. I won't bore you with a long summary, but basically it's a little book with a few chapters - most of which explain how upset God was that Israel's neighbors (and ultimately Israel itself) were displeasing Him. So, what does Amos have to do with this? 

Amos was just a simple shepherd, turned prophet, who spoke the words God gave him. He was bothered by how wealthy the wealthy were and how poor the poor were. 

Things were going really well in Israel - there weren't any wars going on at the time, and things were actually pretty quiet for a change. So, you can imagine how upset the religious leaders were when little, old Amos decided to spiritually attack them with God's words and shake things up at such a peaceful time. 

At one point, a priest lashed back at Amos and started a rumor that Amos had plans to kill the king. The priest begged Amos to stop preaching in his town. 

This is where it gets interesting! I can see Amos in my mind - mid-sentence, he stops what he's doing and realizes what's going on. He's never been called a preacher before. He was probably always referred to as "shepherd," or "son," or "brother." No one had ever called him a preacher. 

He responds quickly, "I never set up to be a preacher, never had plans to be a preacher. I raised cattle and I pruned trees. Then God took me off the farm and said, ‘Go preach to my people Israel.’" (Amos 7:14-15)

I've tried to think about what my response might be, if it was similar to Amos'. It might sound something like this...

"I never set out to be a foster mom, never had plans to be someone's back-up plan. I was a teacher and I enjoyed learning alongside my kiddos. Then God took me out of the classroom and said, 'Go parent and teach the children I will send into your home.'" (This is NOT in the Bible, so don't look for a reference here.) :)

I haven't completely figured out what God has called me or what I will be, but I'm learning to become malleable. He has given me names and called me different things over the last (almost) 30 years of my life. With each new name, I've learned that He has a way of giving me that name before I realize it's happening. 

And it's probably better that way. 

We are Facebook-official!

Well, today we officially made our decision to be foster parents 100% public by announcing it to our Facebook friends. So, if you are just joining our blog, welcome! For our new blog visitors, here are the Cliff Notes of our fostering journey:

• We have been married for about 7 1/2 years, and having kids didn't pan out for us. So we investigated alternative ways to grow our family. Around mid-August, we began seriously praying and considering fostering or fostering to adopt kids in need. By the beginning of October, we determined that fostering was definitely God's plan for us and wrapped up the 59-page application process. 

• After Wednesday's CPR/first aid class, we will have completed the 30+ training hours required for Texas foster parents, and we only have the home visit and county safety inspection left to complete! Although we will likely receive our foster license in a few weeks, we will defer a foster placement until December so we can help my bro/sis-in-law with their upcoming Thanksgiving baby. (Yeah!!!)

• We are open to accepting 4-9 year-old children of either gender and any race (one child at a time). The average foster placement is about a year long, and we are already trying to prepare for the coming days when we will need to say goodbye at the end of our foster placements. 

For those that feel led to help us prepare for this journey, please begin to pray for our future foster children who may be experiencing abuse in their home tonight as you read this post. We truly appreciate your support as we continue to prepare our hearts and home for a new little visitor to love!

Here's the letter we posted online, if you're interested...

There are many ways to create or build a family. We believe that God is calling us to build our family through foster care!! Every year 250,000 children enter the foster care system. Currently, nearly half of those children are waiting to be adopted. Just like a biological child, we are not guaranteed any number of days with these children. We may or may not have the opportunity to adopt our foster children. No matter what, just like a biological child, our love for them is born and will grow in our hearts. This makes the child real, chosen, beloved; for whom we would give our lives. Foster care is complicated; each child’s situation and story is unique. Why their first family was unable to care for them is private. For a foster child, this is their story to tell when they are adults, with the closest people in their lives. We are unable to share information about the child(ren) who will come into our home. What we can tell you is that we are blessed by the opportunity to parent these children, however long they are with us. We are also thankful for the kindness of our family and friends to learn about our decision to become foster parents on our blog livelovefoster.blogspot.com. We are more than happy to answer any questions you may have for us. Thank you for your prayers for our “growing” family! 

Love, 

Brian and Julie Hills

Surprise Shower!!!

Yup, this happened today! I have the best friends and family EVER!!! Let's start from the beginning...

Around noon today, Bry insisted that we get out of the house and go on a lunch date. Afterwards, he seemed to be carefree and tied to absolutely no kind of schedule. At least, that's how it appeared. :) After driving around and shopping for a bit, we decided to head home. 

I noticed that our garage door was closing when we drove behind the street. First red flag. I thought it must've been my mother-in-law (Jan), and I didn't really think much about it after that. We drove around the other side of the alley - second red flag - and as we approached the driveway, I saw my MOTHER in her Sequoia in my driveway. Sideways. Third red flag. However, being Ms. Completely Non-Observant, I still didn't think much about it. My parents and I love to go back and forth randomly surprising each other by just showing up at each other's houses. I just thought she came to see me. For no reason at all. I was caught off guard, and I couldn't remember what I had planned to do this weekend, but I remember thinking I was busy...I asked Bry, "Quick - what am I doing this weekend? I can't even remember." Apparently I have a memory issue because I can't even remember what he told me. 

As we opened the door, I was shocked to see friends and family shouting, "Surprise!" behind a bar filled with cake, sandwiches and THREE types of mac 'n cheese!! Needless to say, I was completely in shock. 

I've never been on the receiving end of a surprise party, so this was a totally new emotion for me. It felt strange to not know everything I'd be doing the rest of the day or even the rest of the weekend. I can already feel the Lord working on my heart in simple times like this..."You're not in charge. You don't have to be. Let me lead you. I will be your guide." Sorry, I digress....

What followed was several hours of laughter, chasing babies and a dog around the house, catching up with old friends, opening presents, and repeating more times than I can remember, "Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I can't believe this!" 

The details of the story of this shower began to unfold and I discovered that my sweet Jilly Bean was behind it all! With lots of help from Jan, Chrys, Lori, my momma, and Bry, of course! 

We feel overwhelmed with love and support. We haven't even finalized everything or become licensed yet, but it is so clear to me that we are not alone. We have a strong community of friends and family who are ready and willing to support us as we take one step of faith at a time. Right now, that support looks like lying through their teeth to get me to reschedule my plans and shower us with gifts. Someday (rather soon), it might look like bringing by old toys and puzzles or pulling out kids bikes from their attic to bless a kiddo in need. 

I can only hope that we'll be able to reciprocate the love and support, or at least pay it forward to someone who needs us. 

We love all of you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making today unforgettable. I will cherish these memories forever!!!

The unicorn and superhero hooded towels... :)

Choices

I am apprehensive to post this tonight, as it will simultaneously reveal how incredible my husband is and how inept I am as his wife sometimes. But, the world must know...

I knew I married a great man with a great heart, but I didn't know just how big that heart was a decade ago. I wish I could list all of the things he has done in the last 11 days, but I don't think I could even remember everything (see above: incompetent wife!) 

So, here's a short list of what I can remember...

- basically designed/built the kids' room from floor to ceiling

- stayed up until 7 AM this morning to finish the application

- submitted our 58 page fostering application (today!!!!)

- purchased all of the required tools/items we need to have (and took the time to return said items when they didn't fit or didn't work)

- remained patient and loving when I forgot to look for my college degree, even after asking me everyday for about a week

- etc, etc, ETC!!!

I am so thankful that above all, he chooses me everyday. He chooses to love me unconditionally, even when I fall (VERY) short of perfection, or even what most people would consider to be an "Ok" standard. He chooses patience, gentleness, and sacrifice. He chooses to mirror Christ in His life - in the small things AND in the big things. Thankful, grateful, and glad do not even begin to describe how happy I am that I made the smartest decision of my life when I chose to partner with him and walk alongside him as his extremely lucky wife. 

Thank you, babe, for choosing us every minute of everyday. I love you so much! 

......................................................................................................

Also, I spy a frog. 

To Do List, Age Preference, and Legos

To Do List

Here's an update of what I was able to do in the last several days:

•Mount fire extinguisher upstairs and downstairs (required for foster parents)

•Install carbon monoxide detectors upstairs and downstairs (required)

•Install child-safe cabinet locks for chemical cabinets

•Install plug protectors (more for my future nephew than for a future foster placement)

•Mount mirror above the kid's dresser

•Mount book/picture shelves in the kid's room

•Remove martial arts and music stuff from the kid's closet

•Placed children's chapter books (like all of my old Hardy Boys books, etc.) in the kid's closet

•Mow the lawn for exterior house pictures (for our foster application)

•Almost finish our foster application!

What's left?

The only things we have left before we can turn in our 50+ page fostering applications are: find Julie's college degree to make a copy of (hmmm not sure where that is...we should probably find it), draw a floor plan with fire escape routes, and make a copy of Lucy's vaccination records. After turning in the application, we have a medication documentation course (which sounds riveting) and an adult/infant CPR & first aid class. We are getting close! The last steps will be having the county fire inspector come give a safety inspectionm, then have a 4-8 hour home study visit from the agency. This is when the agency dredges through our past, vets us as being great potential foster parents, and makes sure we are wanting to foster for the right reason. Then, they take a few weeks to type up a massive report that CPS will have access to for a placement. At that point, we receive our license and are "open for business". Although we will probably officially be licensed by the end of the month, we are electing to not take a placement until December or the beginning of January due the arrival of my bro's son around Thanksgiving. 

Age Preference

I don't think Julie mentioned it on our blog yet, so I wanted to announce our decision from a couple weeks ago that we know for sure we will request an age group preference of 4-9 years old (either gender, any race). You may have noticed from the bedroom pictures that we won't be taking infants or toddlers, and part of narrowing the age range is due to the large amount of stuff you need to have for infants. To name a few, this would include a crib, stroller, high chair, bouncing chair thing, changing table, etc. Purchasing these items wouldn't be a problem, but it does become a storage issue if you go from an infant foster placement, to a second grader, and then back to an infant again. We simply don't have the attic or closet space to store multiple sizes of mattresses, bed frames, toys, and various infant gear for months or years at a time. 

So, we realized we would need to decide between babies/toddlers or 4-9 year-olds (9 was our upper limit). We love the idea of being able to really help a kid that is old enough to have an idea of what's going on but young enough to still be very malleable. Most importantly, it's the age group that Julie and I have the most experience with. I feel pretty comfortable that, even if we are placed with a child that seriously struggles with behavioral and emotional challenges, we know how to coordinate the academic and emotional support provided by the school system as well as implement positive behavior management techniques to help the child work through the challenges in their life. 

Toys!

I know we can't really start buying lots of toys until we know the age/gender of our first placement, but I figured that you can't go wrong in 'merica with good, old-fashioned Legos. I might have bought them because I had an obsession with Legos as a kid (and I secretly/blatantly hope that our future "visitors" will be obsessed with them as well). And of course, I just had to test them out to make sure they worked straight out of the box. (Right?) I quickly realized that a 500-piece tub of Legos simply will not cut it. We will need to buy more, so keep an eye out for Lego sales for us! I am antsy to buy lots of toys, but I know we really need to hold off until we can find out what our future child is interested in. Besides Legos, of course. 

Ali and Julie's Wedding

Ali and Julie were married this afternoon at a plantation (I know, what!!?!??) in Waco. It was a beautiful day and they are a gorgeous couple! 

Please don't hate us :)

"I guess if it takes a child 10-12 months to warm up to us and not hate us, it wouldn't be much different than a baby crying, screaming, and making strange noises for a year." 

Yup, that was the best Brian quote of the weekend. :)

We're in Waco celebrating Ali's wedding! Ali is a friend from Bry's SMU program. Ali is next to Bry and his bride, Julie, is on the far right. The other beautiful people are more friends from SMU. We had a great time last night. It felt great to be with friends for a while and just laugh! The wedding is today!!! :)

The Other Half

So here I am, sitting at home (sick). I know this is the first time I've contributed to our blog, but it's mostly because Julie has already said everything so well. :) Plus, I know that the way Julie processes ideas is by pausing, taking a step back, and really digging around in her brain before really deciding where she stands on something. Usually, she takes action or speaks after she has made up her mind. I, on the other hand, have to get knee-deep in the messiness of a challenge to see the good as well as the challenges before I can make an informed decision. Over the last couple months, as we have experienced this journey to make an impact on "little visitors" (as my mom endearingly refers to our future foster children), I have done exactly that.

Since Julie wrote a couple weeks ago that we strongly felt God pushing us toward fostering or fostering to adopt, it immediately hit me that I was going to be a dad. The challenge for me is that most men have an 8-9 month time period to come to grips with questions like, "Will I be a good dad?" Instead, I only have a couple months before our home is open to foster placements and to come to grips with much more difficult questions, like, "Will I be able to fully provide for a child that has very different needs? Not just financially, but spiritually, emotionally, and socially? Am I truly ready to be the last resort for a devastated, mourning little girl or boy that wants nothing to do with their new foster parents? How do you enable a child to trust you as a father figure if the child was sexually abused repeatedly for over five years? How do I convince a child that when I want a hug, I'm not trying to get close enough to hit him? What do I do if an 8-year-old attacks my wife or dog with a knife? How will my job requirements allow me to be fully emotionally present when I come home to console a inconsolable child whose biological mother stood him up for the fourth straight visitation?"

So, I have been doing what I do best: getting knee-deep in "dad stuff" to help me answer my self-doubt. I know that God whispered to Samuel in the silence of his slumber (1 Samuel 3), but I feel God's presence and faithfulness much more like how Simon Peter when He first met Jesus (Luke 5): in the thick of the "doing".  In Luke 5, Jesus asks Simon Peter to put out his boat. Simon Peter acted (still not knowing God's plan or that Jesus even had a plan) by pushing out from the shore. Then, Jesus commanded him to put out his nets one more time (even though Jesus clearly saw that they had finished cleaning their nets with no success). Yet, Simon Peter acted. It was not until Simon Peter acted out on faith a second time to a self-proclaimed god that hadn't proven himself to the fishermen before Simon Peter realized that Jesus was the real deal, that he was the Son of God, that he really had Simon Peter's back. 

Even when we didn't know for sure that God wanted us to foster, we chose to take the classes and continued to pray. Once we knew this was God's direction for us, I have shifted to stepping out on faith that God will eventually prepare me emotionally to do what it takes to be the best dad I can for these kids. For me, that means putting children's furniture together, hanging bookshelves, and child-proofing our house. I don't yet know how to answer a child that asks, "If I behave better, can I go back home to my real mom?" But, I know how to buy a mattress and put a stuffed animal on a dresser. It's in these moments that Christ slowly builds my confidence to open this next challenging door in my life. 

I don't know if I will ever be able to answer those kinds of tough questions, but as I prepare my house for our "little visitors", I feel confident that, like Simon Peter, Jesus asks me to show up and act on faith. I eagerly await the miracles Jesus will perform on me, my wife, and our little visitors in this household once I act out of obedience and faith. 

12:41 A.M. Julie here....

WOW - I love you, baby.

Also, I know I've posted so many pics of the room already, but I have to add a few more as we put the final touches on it. It's really coming together and I am loving it more everyday!

We took down the lime green curtains and put these up instead. We need to iron them, but you get the picture. We still need pics in the frames, but this wall is almost finished!

We also got a mirror today! It's the little things that make us happy...

 

Fearless!

I'll preface this post by warning you that I am by NO means an artist. There. It's out there. :) I did, however, feel compelled to create this piece for the kids' room. A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon this verse in Psalm 27 (The Message version) and this phrase just kept repeating over and over again in my head. 

It quickly became my prayer for the kiddos who will stay in our home - however long that may be. 

"Light, space, vest - that's God! So, with HIM on my side, I'm FEARLESS, afraid of no one and nothing..."

"...When all hell breaks loose, I'm collected and cool...I'll study at His feet. That's the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world....You've always been there for me. Don't turn your back on me now. Don't throw me out, don't abandon me; You've always kept the door open. My father and mother walked out and left me, but God took me in..."

My prayer is that our home will be a safe place where these children can find rest, comfort, safety, and GOD on their side so that they might stand. Fearless.