Day 1 with our Little Lady

About 9 hours ago, we got the call (call #7) that will inevitably change everything for, what will most likely be, the next 6-18 months of our lives. 

As you may have read in my last post, we started to seriously lower our expectations with each placement call we received. So, when I heard the agency rep talking about a 7-year old girl who was in need of placement tonight, I was hopeful, but cautious. We accepted the placement and then waited to hear back from him. About an hour later, I heard the phrase, "CPS has selected you for placement," stream through the phone. The next few hours are already a little blurry. 

I remember driving home. I remember flying through the kitchen - throwing dishes in the dishwasher and cleaning moving stacks of mail. I remember Brian leaving to pick up groceries so we'd have more food in the house than candy. 

I waited for what seemed like forever to hear from CPS. With every minute that passed, it felt like our chance of receiving the placement was slipping further and further from reality. I thought we'd receive a phone call, but instead, I happened to see a car park in front of our house, and then I knew. 

I wish I was making this up, but what happened next was almost EXACTLY like I'd watched play out in movies and on TV. The CPS case worker even had cardboard filing boxes lined up in the back of her car, just like I had envisioned.

Another car pulled up after her and I watched the social worker and our Little Lady walk out of their car (and into our lives), holding one bag filled with some clothes and a clown puppet hanging by a few strings. The first words she said to me were, "I'll only be here for two days, right?" (Within a few hours of being here, she asked if she could stay till she was 13. Why 13, you ask? Oh, apparently that's when she's going to college...so she says.) :)

The next part is definitely a blur.

For the next two hours, we signed about a billion forms (and 3 copies of each.) The Little Lady played with her doll next to us while we learned more about her situation and what our role is in her life. I could see her trying to place us in her eyes. Where do we fit in her little world? Only time will tell.

Within the first few hours of being a parent, I was already having to tell this precious child that no, sorry, we can't buy a teeny tiny bikini even if every other girl she knows has one. And no, we actually don't need to buy a bra today. :) Things are moving pretty quickly around here.

Just to recap a few of the things we heard today, here are a few of her quotes. Enjoy!

• Yeah, it's been a long day. A weird, long day.
• The Google lady is smarter than Siri.
• Cherry chapstick makes you smell like fruit.
• I'm going to put socks in my purse just in case. 
• I'm from the country. Nothing hurts. 

I'm laying below her right now in the bottom bunk. I promised her I'd stay here till she fell asleep. I haven't peed since 1:00 this afternoon and I've only eaten two bites of chicken, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else right now.

I'm listening to her breathe in deeply.

She sounds peaceful. And safe.

And home.

Please excuse Bry's strange, deformed head. Oh, and the large smiley face blocking this beautiful girl's smile! Sorry - we aren't allowed to share her name or photos. :( (How is a photographer supposed to survive without being able to post photos!??!?!? Oh well, it's a small price to pay!)

Before we even have 24 hours to be parents, we'll be enrolling her in classes to begin 1st grade on Monday. Most people would have about as long as it takes to pay off a nice car before they send their little one off to school.

We have minutes.

The difference between call #1 and call #6

Call #1....

• Jump out of bed immediately
• Clean the whole house in 12 and a half minutes
• Yes, the baseboards, too
• Call everyone we know 
• Call doggie day care to setup babysitting for a few days

Call #6....

• Continue laying on the couch
• Leave the dishes in the sink
• Who even looks at the baseboards?
• Text our immediate family to let them know there's a small chance the placement will work out
• Play fetch with the dog

We got our fifth call last night and our sixth call this morning...we've quickly learned to lower our expectations and just wait, and wait, and wait to see what happens. We've started a new tradition - every time we get a call and it doesn't work out, we go on a date, cause who knows - it could be our last!

But it's pretty unlikely. :)

And then there were two....puppies, that is

It's crazy how quickly life can change. Like in a day. 

We received our fourth call from the foster agency this morning. (We didn't write about it, but we actually received a third call a few weeks ago - a sibling group from East Texas...didn't work out.)

Around 3:30 this morning, I rolled over and glanced at my phone and noticed a missed call and voicemail from someone from our foster agency. I listened to the voicemail and heard the rep talking about a 6 year old girl who he thought seemed like a good fit for our family. I was sure the voicemail was a few hours old, that we'd missed our window of opportunity, and that she must have been placed with another family. But, when I looked at the time, I realized it had only been 5 minutes since he called.

I called him back right away, woke Bry up, and we said YES! He called us back a few minutes later and said there was actually a 7 year old sibling involved in the case and they didn't want to split up the sisters. This, again???

This was actually the third out of the four calls we'd received where siblings were involved. We started thinking about our original "preferences" and really pushing ourselves to question why we were opposed to sibling groups. When we realized there wasn't a good enough reason, we prayed about it and called the agency rep back. For the second time in about an hour, we said YES. 

We waited about 5 hours to hear back from anyone. Ultimately, we were told that the girls will be placed with us, just not today. CPS is very busy with emergency placements this weekend, and this case wasn't considered an emergency. The girls are in a safe location right now and we were told someone will contact us on Monday or Tuesday. (Please keep the prayers comin'!)

After a whirlwind morning that began before the crack of dawn, we set off on another trip to IKEA to pick up bunk beds. BUNK beds. As in for two. It would normally take about 540 days to "grow" two children in a womb. We have 2 days. (Ha!) 

And of course, if there are going to be two kiddos, we have to have two "Lucy dogs." Hence, the new friend. The real Lucy stares at these friends with her jaw to the floor, tail wagging, mouth drooling. She seriously wants to play with these dogs. She has NO clue how much more fun it will be to play with the sisters who might become her own. :)

We know there's a chance it will not work out with these girls, but we really, really hope it does. But if it doesn't, then the room will be ready for the child(ren) who are meant to stay there. Maybe for a day, and maybe forever. 

We know this room (and the two stuffed puppies) are just an external symbol of our faith being tested. This is how quickly God works - within just a few hours, there are two little Lucy's waiting for their new friends. 

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UPDATE...."After" pics!

Thanks for all your help, Josh!!!! The bedding is pretty simple right now because we want the girls to be able to pick out their own bedding next week...if they are placed with us! 

What do strip clubs have to do with foster care?

This is one of about 20 strip clubs I drive by everyday after work...

(Photo from Google Streetview Maps)

Most of the time, I'm completely oblivious to the cars coming and going from these "establishments" as I drive down Dallas' infamous Harry Hines Blvd. 

However, while making the 23 mile trek home a few days ago, something caught my eye. 

It was a simple shrug of the shoulders by a valet parking lot attendant. In the few seconds it took for me to pass the club, I noticed a man trying to find a parking spot and the valet attendant non-verbally letting him know the lot was full and he'd have to find somewhere else to park. 

It took me a minute to think about what I thought about this (I know - way too much thinking after a long day at work.) I glanced at the clock. It was about 6:15 on a Wednesday evening. 

Initially, my thoughts turned to the families of the men who we're fighting for these parking spaces. 

It's 6:15. Kids are home from school. They're finishing homework and playing outside. They're waiting for dad to come home so they can have dinner, read stories, and get tucked into bed. Moms are coming home from work and cleaning up messes from the day. They're working on said-dinner and trying to catch their breath for a minute. Most are nearing a breaking point and wondering how to do the mom and wife thing "right" and how they'll possibly make it through another day. 

And dad's looking for a parking spot. 

Not at the grocery store to help mom prep for dinner. Not at the YMCA to help sign the kids up for basketball. Not even at the gas station to fill up and get home to his family as quickly as he can. 

Maybe I thought about it a little too much, but I couldn't help but feel my heart break a little bit for their wives and children. 

I'm just going to be honest (not Juan Pablo honest, but pretty honest.) My next few thoughts were a little bit more judgmental. Bear with me. 

Maybe if these men were as concerned about filling up the parking spots at home, there wouldn't be as many problems in the world. Maybe we wouldn't have as many unwanted pregnancies, or abortions, or foster kids whose parents don't want them or can't take care of them.

God gave me a minute to rant, rave, and judge, and then he spoke very softly, like he always does. 

"I love them. I love the men walking in the building. I love the women dancing on stage. They're my children, too. I'm just waiting for them. I'll be patient and loving, and you should do the same."

Within a few minutes, my anger turned to empathy. My rage turned to peace. And acceptance. And love. 

While I'm not in line trying to get a parking spot at a Gentleman's Club, I deal with my own sins. Because I'm selfish, and human, and just generally dumb sometimes. 

But He is still patient with me and he loves me. So I should probably do the same. 

Yup, it's gonna hurt.

A fellow Foster momma posted THIS article on her Facebook this week, urging her friends and family members to take a few minutes out of their day to read it and try to understand why her family has chosen the fostering path. 

I use the word "chosen" for a reason. This article perfectly explains what Brian and I have talked about over and over again over the last six months. 

If you've been following our journey, you know that we didn't really know we should be foster parents before we started all of this. Honestly, we began taking classes and studying the foster care system long before we chose to go all in. 

Just like the father describes in the article, we hear the same phrases all the time, "Wow! That's incredible. I don't think I could ever do that." "I don't think I'd be able to say goodbye." "Gosh, that would just be too hard, I don't know how you'd give them back to their parents."

After about a month of reading, researching, and taking Foster classes, I expected to feel at peace or convicted about whether or not we should completely jump in and say, "Yes! We're going to do this. We're going to become foster parents." I expected to feel something by then. I thought I would just know if it was for us, or if it would just turn out to be 30+ hours of family and education classes that would help us in other areas of our lives. Around this time, I came across a (different) article that was called, "How do you know if you should be a foster parent?" It seemed like God was speaking directly to me through my phone! To sum it up, the foster dad asked these questions:

1. Is there a need? (YES!)

2. Can you fill that need? (Yes.)

Become a foster parent. (Dang.) 

I'd been waiting for weeks for a feeling, an answer, a conviction. Here it was in black and white. There's a need and we can fill it. I guess I thought it'd be more complicated than that. Maybe a part of me thought the clouds would part and a little note would fall from the sky that read, "Yes. You should become foster parents. Love, God." And then I realized that's what the Bible is....God's handwritten love notes. 

Please, please, please understand that it is not my intention to make you feel guilty or less-than for what I'm about to say, but you should know that the Lord isn't just speaking to Brian and me and other foster parents in this verse; he's speaking to you, too. 

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (James 1:27 NLT)

I understand that some people cannot "fill the need" of fostering, so you serve Him in other ways. BUT, there are so many people who can fill the need, and they choose not to. Because it's too hard. Because they don't want to give up a child. Because it might hurt. 

We've just accepted that we are going to go through things in life that hurt. Trying for a baby for more than two years hurts. Watching friend after friend after friend become pregnant with their second or third child hurts. If we chose IVF or other procedures, we might get pregnant and lose a baby. That would hurt. The pressure of trying to conceive hurts. 

We could try for years, and maybe we'd have a baby in the end, and maybe we wouldn't, but we knew it would hurt.  

In the end, we decided we weren't going to wait for notes to fall from the sky. We would trust that God's call for us to take care of kids who need help (and who've experienced more hurt than we will probably ever experience) was just as true today as it was thousands of years ago. 

I hope you'll carefully and prayerfully consider whether or not your family can "fill the need."

Chances are, you can. 

The Day We Almost Became Parents

Before we get into all this, here are a few pics of our mini camping adventure last weekend! 

Well, it happened...we finally got a call. THE call. TWO calls, actually.

On Wednesday afternoon, Bry got a call from someone from our agency asking if we'd be willing to take a 12 year old girl into our home. The guy didn't get the info from our home study that 12 years old was out of our age range. We considered it anyway, but ultimately decided that the bedroom was not designed for a 12 year old and that we'd like to wait for a child closer to our age range (4-9 year olds.)

About an hour later, I received a call from the same agency rep asking if we'd be willing to take a 5 year old girl. Bry and I had agreed that we wouldn't say yes or no without speaking to the other person first, so I quickly got off the phone with the agency and called Bry, who was at a recruitment event in a very noisy restaurant (perfect, right!?!) I called him a few times. Okay, 14 times. Literally. I figured he was bound to either hear or feel the vibrating phone at some point. I called and texted about 5 other people I thought would be with him, but none of them answered. After what felt like forever, he finally called me back! We agreed that this case sounded like a great fit for us, so I called the agency as soon as I could.

It didn't work out. In an effort to clear up any confusion, read on to find out why. Someone asked me yesterday if they "put the kids in a lineup and let you choose one." Ironically, it was the same person who asked me THIS question a few months ago. I can't make this stuff up, people.

When a child is removed from their home and is considered an "emergency placement," it means that there is a scared, shaken child sitting in a CPS office or a cop car and they're trying to figure out where they will be sleeping that night. They probably have a backpack with a few bare essentials (if that) and they're replaying the events that have occurred an hour or two prior to being removed from their home over and over in their mind.

While this is happening, CPS puts out what is called a "broadcast" to all of the foster agencies in the area. The broadcast contains as much information they have about the child and their situation. The agency reps then call licensed foster families to seek out a home for this child. If one family at agency "A" says they will take the child, it isn't guaranteed. Someone at agency "B" might also say yes, while someone at agency "C" says yes as well. The agency reps then call CPS and it takes about an hour to figure out where the child will actually go.

In our case, the child was taken to a home in their county, but distance isn't always the only factor. If there are several families willing to take in the child/ren, CPS has to consider several factors before deciding where to ultimately place the child.

We prayed for both of these girls on Wednesday evening, the families they will now make a home with, and the families that have been torn apart by addiction and illness. Would you pray with us, too?

We know the "right" child will come into our lives in God's time, and who knows...maybe they'll even make us become parents someday!

We're (FINALLY) Officially Licensed!!!!

Around 2:00 today we received this email!!!

Bry and I were in a training this afternoon, and when I read the email, I immediately jumped out of my seat, ran across the hotel conference room, and shoved my phone in his face! 

After 30 hrs of classes, 5 months of training and preparation, and remodeling the house, we are officially licensed for one to two children - ages 0-12 - and we are open to emergency fostering, fostering-to-adopt, and straight adoption. However, the agency knows that our preference is one child between the ages of 4 and 9. 

We could receive a call at any moment about a precious child who needs a loving home. We are praying for the child(ren) who will be forced to leave their family and anything familiar and come into our home. As we've asked our friends and family before, we'd ask you again to pray for this child, as they could be experiencing abuse and neglect as I write this tonight. 

We'll spend a lot of time cleaning the house this weekend and preparing (as much as we can) for the unexpected little visitor who could be here any minute! 

Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers as we enter the most trying part of our journey - taking care of the child(ren) God will place in our home! 

Our first little visitors...well, kind of!

We had the pleasure of doing respite care for another foster family this weekend for a 4 year old girl and a 4 month old baby boy. I suppose we could consider this to be good "practice" before we receive our first placement, but it was actually kind of like student teaching at Carrollton Christian Academy - I had 13 angels in my classroom who waited on each other hand and foot, who said, "Thank you," and "Yes m'am," and who turned in all of their homework on time or even early. What did that prepare me for? Definitely not a "real" classroom full of 23 not-as-polite kiddos. Don't get me wrong! I absolutely LOVED my job as a teacher, but I didn't feel like the perfect, dream world at CCA set me up for success at a "normal" public school. In the same way, I am keeping my feelings and expectations in check because I don't want to start thinking that every four year old will be as fun, polite, and outgoing as Ms. A! Who knows, maybe they will be, but I'm keeping my expectations pretty low. 

We had a jam-packed weekend that included an afternoon movie at the theater, play time at Chick-fil-A and a picture with the cow, playing "baking assistant" to Bry while he made a cake, playing Viva Piñata party animals on the Xbox, a few dance parties in the living room, and lots of play time with Lucy Lou. 

It wasn't hard to instantly fall in love with these two kiddos (even though the little guy gave us a serious run for our money both nights when he decided he actually didn't like sleeping in a crib.) I know they were only with us for three days, but we already miss them and I'm finding it hard to clean the room and wash the sheets. We'll pray for them and their family's situation every day. 

If everything goes according to plan, the agency will review our home study with the board of directors tomorrow at 1:30!!! We're praying that we get a call shortly after, but it could be a few days or weeks before we hear if we're officially licensed. 

Lucy misses her friends, but she's happy to have things back to "normal."