Yup, it's gonna hurt.

A fellow Foster momma posted THIS article on her Facebook this week, urging her friends and family members to take a few minutes out of their day to read it and try to understand why her family has chosen the fostering path. 

I use the word "chosen" for a reason. This article perfectly explains what Brian and I have talked about over and over again over the last six months. 

If you've been following our journey, you know that we didn't really know we should be foster parents before we started all of this. Honestly, we began taking classes and studying the foster care system long before we chose to go all in. 

Just like the father describes in the article, we hear the same phrases all the time, "Wow! That's incredible. I don't think I could ever do that." "I don't think I'd be able to say goodbye." "Gosh, that would just be too hard, I don't know how you'd give them back to their parents."

After about a month of reading, researching, and taking Foster classes, I expected to feel at peace or convicted about whether or not we should completely jump in and say, "Yes! We're going to do this. We're going to become foster parents." I expected to feel something by then. I thought I would just know if it was for us, or if it would just turn out to be 30+ hours of family and education classes that would help us in other areas of our lives. Around this time, I came across a (different) article that was called, "How do you know if you should be a foster parent?" It seemed like God was speaking directly to me through my phone! To sum it up, the foster dad asked these questions:

1. Is there a need? (YES!)

2. Can you fill that need? (Yes.)

Become a foster parent. (Dang.) 

I'd been waiting for weeks for a feeling, an answer, a conviction. Here it was in black and white. There's a need and we can fill it. I guess I thought it'd be more complicated than that. Maybe a part of me thought the clouds would part and a little note would fall from the sky that read, "Yes. You should become foster parents. Love, God." And then I realized that's what the Bible is....God's handwritten love notes. 

Please, please, please understand that it is not my intention to make you feel guilty or less-than for what I'm about to say, but you should know that the Lord isn't just speaking to Brian and me and other foster parents in this verse; he's speaking to you, too. 

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (James 1:27 NLT)

I understand that some people cannot "fill the need" of fostering, so you serve Him in other ways. BUT, there are so many people who can fill the need, and they choose not to. Because it's too hard. Because they don't want to give up a child. Because it might hurt. 

We've just accepted that we are going to go through things in life that hurt. Trying for a baby for more than two years hurts. Watching friend after friend after friend become pregnant with their second or third child hurts. If we chose IVF or other procedures, we might get pregnant and lose a baby. That would hurt. The pressure of trying to conceive hurts. 

We could try for years, and maybe we'd have a baby in the end, and maybe we wouldn't, but we knew it would hurt.  

In the end, we decided we weren't going to wait for notes to fall from the sky. We would trust that God's call for us to take care of kids who need help (and who've experienced more hurt than we will probably ever experience) was just as true today as it was thousands of years ago. 

I hope you'll carefully and prayerfully consider whether or not your family can "fill the need."

Chances are, you can. 

The Day We Almost Became Parents

Before we get into all this, here are a few pics of our mini camping adventure last weekend! 

Well, it happened...we finally got a call. THE call. TWO calls, actually.

On Wednesday afternoon, Bry got a call from someone from our agency asking if we'd be willing to take a 12 year old girl into our home. The guy didn't get the info from our home study that 12 years old was out of our age range. We considered it anyway, but ultimately decided that the bedroom was not designed for a 12 year old and that we'd like to wait for a child closer to our age range (4-9 year olds.)

About an hour later, I received a call from the same agency rep asking if we'd be willing to take a 5 year old girl. Bry and I had agreed that we wouldn't say yes or no without speaking to the other person first, so I quickly got off the phone with the agency and called Bry, who was at a recruitment event in a very noisy restaurant (perfect, right!?!) I called him a few times. Okay, 14 times. Literally. I figured he was bound to either hear or feel the vibrating phone at some point. I called and texted about 5 other people I thought would be with him, but none of them answered. After what felt like forever, he finally called me back! We agreed that this case sounded like a great fit for us, so I called the agency as soon as I could.

It didn't work out. In an effort to clear up any confusion, read on to find out why. Someone asked me yesterday if they "put the kids in a lineup and let you choose one." Ironically, it was the same person who asked me THIS question a few months ago. I can't make this stuff up, people.

When a child is removed from their home and is considered an "emergency placement," it means that there is a scared, shaken child sitting in a CPS office or a cop car and they're trying to figure out where they will be sleeping that night. They probably have a backpack with a few bare essentials (if that) and they're replaying the events that have occurred an hour or two prior to being removed from their home over and over in their mind.

While this is happening, CPS puts out what is called a "broadcast" to all of the foster agencies in the area. The broadcast contains as much information they have about the child and their situation. The agency reps then call licensed foster families to seek out a home for this child. If one family at agency "A" says they will take the child, it isn't guaranteed. Someone at agency "B" might also say yes, while someone at agency "C" says yes as well. The agency reps then call CPS and it takes about an hour to figure out where the child will actually go.

In our case, the child was taken to a home in their county, but distance isn't always the only factor. If there are several families willing to take in the child/ren, CPS has to consider several factors before deciding where to ultimately place the child.

We prayed for both of these girls on Wednesday evening, the families they will now make a home with, and the families that have been torn apart by addiction and illness. Would you pray with us, too?

We know the "right" child will come into our lives in God's time, and who knows...maybe they'll even make us become parents someday!

We're (FINALLY) Officially Licensed!!!!

Around 2:00 today we received this email!!!

Bry and I were in a training this afternoon, and when I read the email, I immediately jumped out of my seat, ran across the hotel conference room, and shoved my phone in his face! 

After 30 hrs of classes, 5 months of training and preparation, and remodeling the house, we are officially licensed for one to two children - ages 0-12 - and we are open to emergency fostering, fostering-to-adopt, and straight adoption. However, the agency knows that our preference is one child between the ages of 4 and 9. 

We could receive a call at any moment about a precious child who needs a loving home. We are praying for the child(ren) who will be forced to leave their family and anything familiar and come into our home. As we've asked our friends and family before, we'd ask you again to pray for this child, as they could be experiencing abuse and neglect as I write this tonight. 

We'll spend a lot of time cleaning the house this weekend and preparing (as much as we can) for the unexpected little visitor who could be here any minute! 

Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers as we enter the most trying part of our journey - taking care of the child(ren) God will place in our home! 

Our first little visitors...well, kind of!

We had the pleasure of doing respite care for another foster family this weekend for a 4 year old girl and a 4 month old baby boy. I suppose we could consider this to be good "practice" before we receive our first placement, but it was actually kind of like student teaching at Carrollton Christian Academy - I had 13 angels in my classroom who waited on each other hand and foot, who said, "Thank you," and "Yes m'am," and who turned in all of their homework on time or even early. What did that prepare me for? Definitely not a "real" classroom full of 23 not-as-polite kiddos. Don't get me wrong! I absolutely LOVED my job as a teacher, but I didn't feel like the perfect, dream world at CCA set me up for success at a "normal" public school. In the same way, I am keeping my feelings and expectations in check because I don't want to start thinking that every four year old will be as fun, polite, and outgoing as Ms. A! Who knows, maybe they will be, but I'm keeping my expectations pretty low. 

We had a jam-packed weekend that included an afternoon movie at the theater, play time at Chick-fil-A and a picture with the cow, playing "baking assistant" to Bry while he made a cake, playing Viva Piñata party animals on the Xbox, a few dance parties in the living room, and lots of play time with Lucy Lou. 

It wasn't hard to instantly fall in love with these two kiddos (even though the little guy gave us a serious run for our money both nights when he decided he actually didn't like sleeping in a crib.) I know they were only with us for three days, but we already miss them and I'm finding it hard to clean the room and wash the sheets. We'll pray for them and their family's situation every day. 

If everything goes according to plan, the agency will review our home study with the board of directors tomorrow at 1:30!!! We're praying that we get a call shortly after, but it could be a few days or weeks before we hear if we're officially licensed. 

Lucy misses her friends, but she's happy to have things back to "normal."

First time's a charm, right?

I think that's how it goes...

This weekend marks 5 months since we first started this journey towards becoming parents. We got a call from the agency this afternoon and my heart skipped a few beats...I thought they were calling to give us the good news that we are officially licensed, but that wasn't it. Instead, we were asked to do respite care this weekend for a foster family with a 4 month old and a 4 year old. This should be fun! :)

I'm sure this is the first of MANY unexpected inconveniences to come. Although that sounds pretty negative, I honestly welcome the "inconveniences" with open arms. I know we are being called to do this, so I'm trusting that God knows exactly what He's doing (even though my plan for the weekend was to sleep for 30 hours and spend 8 hours at Spa Castle, since this may be one of the last free weekends we have for the next 10 years, as my husband likes to say.) 

Home Study: Complete!

Bring on the waiting game! 

We had our five hour home study today...about 3 hours of it included both of us, and then an hour with each of us individually. I think we answered about 150+ questions by the time it was all said and done. Some of the questions were extremely personal. We're slowly familiarizing ourselves with the open-book nature of the foster world. For someone like Bry who is a very private person, this is a major adjustment. 

In addition to the emotionally-demanding task of the home study, I also found out that three of my friends are pregnant today! While I'm beyond excited for them, it is another reminder that it just isn't our time, and may never be. Looks like baby showers are in the near future...and more maternity and newborn photo shoots!!!

We are very grateful for our sweet friends, Chris and Allison, who fed us a delicious dinner after a long, tiring day, and who love my husband unconditionally, even when he does his best toddler impersonation. 

So, now we wait. We hope to be licensed in about a month, but it could be longer. We're praying for patience, and appreciate all the prayers and support from our amazing friends and family! 

Yippee!!!

Our home study has been scheduled for this Saturday at 12:30!!! We're getting close!!!!

A Different Kind of Resolution

We're about 6 days into the new year already. It seems only fitting that we should post something in writing about our "goals" or "resolutions" for 2014. The  problem with this is whatever I come up with would pale in comparison to what the Lord has in store for us this year. I could list a lot of resolutions like eat less (which I probably should), move more (which I know I should), or go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday (ha!)

I'd rather hand over the year and watch what God does in our home and in our marriage instead. This sounds simple enough, but don't. get. me. wrong! This is actually going to be a huge struggle for me.

In approximately 72 hours, I will hit the big 3-0. Yup, I'm only hours away from entering a new decade. When I was in my mid-twenties (sorry, I'm really not trying to sound so pretentious), I made this little pact with God...I just wanted one kid before I turned 30. I gave Him like 5 whole years to make it happen. I figured I was being overly generous. Birthday #26 rolled around, then 27, 28, 29, and I started to get pretty neurotic nervous. The birthday wish that flew threw the spit over my 29th birthday cake was more like an ultimatum than a wish (sorry for the awful visual.) "Alright, you've got about a year to make this happen, God. Remember our deal?" 

(Birthday #28)

(Birthday #29 - my husband has an affinity for fire, as you can see in this picture, and this one:) 

Birthday #30 will inevitably roll by this week and I'll probably replay the scene in my head from the movie Two Weeks Notice, "Baby? What baby?" My birthday wish this year will turn into more of a prayer and a plea than a wish, a goal, or a "resolution."

I will memorize and repeat this verse, spoken by Jesus himself, until it's so engrained in my head and in my heart that I can do nothing else but believe it's God-spoken message:

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." Matthew 6:30-33, The Message Version

Have I been so concerned with the getting part of life that I missed out on some of the giving? 

With a new year comes a sense of naïvety and hope that this year will be better than the last. Like any normal person, of course there are a few things I have in mind that I'd love to see happen in 2014. However, my prayer is that this year, more than ever before, I will seek this "God-reality" and respond to the giving. I will listen carefully and watch intently to see how He's prompting me to give. Maybe it will be with my time, my money, my compassion. Whatever it is, I hope to see my little corner of the world with some bigger God-reality glasses this year and attempt to out-give and out-love with every opportunity I'm given for His glory, and not my own.